Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Rating 6 out of 10

Most of us remember that sweet childhood story of Hansel and Gretel where two lost children stumble upon a house made of candy that has an evil witch inside that captures them and begins to fatten them up with intentions of eating them.  Before the kids can be lunch they push the witch into the oven and burn her alive.  Aahh, what a sweet story to read to your kids before they go to bed.

This movie takes up where that story ends.  Hansel and Gretel as they grow up become famous across the land as witch killers.  You have shiny pieces of silver and they will kill your witches.  Hansel (Jeremy Renner) shoots some sort of witch killing shot gun and Gretel (the lovely Gemma Arterton) uses a rapid fire cross bow.  They come across their toughest witch Muriel (Famke Janssen) who of course intends on killing the siblings and also ruling the world.

This movie like the original story is not really for kids.  It's pretty gory and has a good bit of un-needed cussing for a movie like this.  People get squished and squashed.  I saw the 2D version. I can only imagine it in 3D.

The movie is mostly harmless and mildly entertaining (mostly due to the stars).  It's worth the price of an early show.  Not much more.

The Last Stand

The Last Stand

Rating 4 out of 10

Clearly no one watching the preview for The Last Stand thinks they are going to see the early contender for next years Oscars.  In fact January is usually the dumping grounds for the studios for movies they don't know what else to do with.  This movie definitely falls into that category.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is back after his stint in politics.  I'm not sure why he picked this movie for his comeback but to be honest most of his films were on the hokey side.  Arnie plays big tough small town Sheriff Ray Owens.  He quit his hectic police job in Los Angeles for a simpler life in a smaller border town.  As bad luck would have it the worst of the worst bad Mexican drug lord that is broken out of prison just days before being executed.  The bad news for the drug lord is his road to Mexico goes right through Sheriff Owens town.

Sheriff Owens doesn't roll over for anyone.  He isn't about to allow this bad guy to roll right through town and it appears the FBI only has a few agents and travel by camel taking forever to come and help.   Owens isn't going to roll over even if it virtually destroys the town doing million$ in damage and puts residents in harms way?  Oh well, it's Arnie.

It's hokey and has fun parts if you are in the mood for that.  Will make a decent rental in a couple months when it hits Redbox.  It opened 10th in the box office opening weekend.  That's not a good sign for the Terminator.  I'd still bet he'll be back.

Promised Land

Promised Land

Rating 4 out of 10

I didn't really expect much from this movie but sadly got what I was hoping it would not be.  A Hollywood liberal hack job against the natural gas drilling companies.  Matt Damon plays the smooth talking Steve Butler, a number one salesmen for a natural gas company sent into a declining rural community to secure drilling rights from the local citizens.  Family business's are going under right and left and the drilling rights could be a way of saving things.

Everything is going well until a well respected science teacher (Hal Holbrook) speaks up saying that there are many possible side effects to the drilling.  It gets worse for Butler when a environmentalist shows up (the witty and likable John Krasinski) set on killing the deal.

There is some witty dialog.  Mostly between Butler and the local school teacher.  The problem for me was the movie was too one sided.  When people voicing against the drilling Butler, who is supposed to be the best the billion dollar drilling company had to offer, had next to nothing to offer in reply.  Every house in the community was a lovely mansion that had been in the family for generations.  Made no difference they were mostly going under and stood to make million$.

Oh well, if you are the environmentalist type you will probably like this movie more than I did.

The Impossible

The Impossible 

Rating 6.5 out of 10

This is an interesting  based on a true story movie from the dreadful tsunami that hit Thailand the day after Christmas 2004.  There was a family of five enjoying the holidays when the horrible wave hit.  The mom (Naomi Watts) and the oldest son are separated from the dad (Ewan McGregor) and the two younger sons.

This isn't a low budget film, but it's not a big budget movie either.  It does a good job of conveying the desperation of the survivors trying to find their loved ones that could be anywhere on the island with virtually no communication and most of the locals speaking no English.  The movie gets very emotional often.

A problem for me was seeing interviews on the real family knowing who the survivors were. Naomi does a good job as the injured mom trying to take care of her young son when she is the one that needs the care.  McGregor is good enough in his part even though he gets surprisingly little screen time.

I liked it.  This will make a good rental.

Top 10 movies of 2012

Top Ten/ Worst Ten

2012

Top  Ten

1-   The Avengers

I would say head and shoulders the best super hero movie ever made.  Can’t wait for the next one!

2-   Argo

This movie is just so well made.  Not a boring political movie people envision.  The line for the Oscar starts behind Ben Affleck.

3-   Jack Reacher

I had reservations of puny Tom Cruise playing 6’5” tough guy Reacher but he pulled it off.  Good action movie that I’d pay to see again.

4-   Life of Pi

Visually the best movie of the year by far.  The movie takes it’s time and tells a story.  I liked it a lot.

5-   Rise of the Guardians

Best animated movie I have seen in a while.   The voices were nearly perfect. Storyline that can be enjoyed by adults or kids alike.

6-   The Hunger Games

I was hoping the movie would be as good as the book without watering it down to a kiddy version. They did.  Jennifer Lawrence was perfect as Katniss Verdeen.

7-   Expendables 2

A bunch of senior citizens shooting up bad guys in every way, shape or form?  Absolutely.  Nearly every of my 80’s action icons were there to make things go boom!  Loved it.

8-   Trouble with the Curve

I’ll admit this movie is on the predictable side.  I think the acting and cool Atlanta locations brought this to an above average movie.

9-   Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

So much better movie than the name would lead you to believe.  Well acted and well worth the price of the rental.

10-                 The Lorax

Second best animated movie of the year. Enjoyed this time spent with my granddaughter and cute movie. 

Honorable Mention

1-   The Bourne Legacy

I think I liked this version better than the Matt Damon versions

2-   Django: Unchained

Typical Tarentino.  Bloody and lots of cussin’.  I found it entertaining.

3-   This Means War

This movie got hammered in reviews but I liked it.

4-   Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn

The best of the Twilight movies.  A good way to wrap up the series.

5-   The Hobbit

Yes the movie it longer than it needs to be but in the end it kept me entertained. 

Worst 10 of 2012

Worst Ten

1-   Killer Joe

This was in theaters for about a day.  How it ever got made is a mystery to me.  Horrible does not describe it.  Many A-list actors. Sick movie.  Don’t even rent this one folks!

2-   Dark  Shadows

Johnny Depp gave his best. This movie just could not be saved.   

3-   The Words

A VERY slow movie that wastes a good cast and gives you one of those art house endings that make me want to throw popcorn at the screen.

4-   Looper

Some really liked this movie.  I’m not one.  Thought it was poorly made.  Looked low budget for the nice cast.  Just didn’t care for this one at all.

5-   The Grey

This may have been  the worst movie of 2012.  The guys really deserved to be eaten by wolves!

6-   Hotel Transylvania

An animated film that will bore kids and adults equally.

7-   Prometheus

The movie had lots of promise.  Sadly went with nonsense instead.

8-   Haywire

I think Gina Carano will be a big female action star some day.  Not from this movie.

9-   Silver Linings Playbook

You are bi-polar?  No need for meds.  All you have to do is exercise.  Your husband dies in car crash so of course you become a nympho.  The dance scene at end was painfully bad.  I am amazed this movie is winning awards.

10-End of  Watch

Police in big shoot outs making sure to hold their camcorders with other hand to film the whole thing?  I just didn’t care for this at all.

Should have been better

1-   Taken 2

Liam Neeson gets two movies on my worst list!

2-   Abe Lincoln: Vampire Killer

All you can say is expectations are set very low walking in to this one.

3-   Hope Springs

Sold as a comedy it’s not very funny.  A sad and broken marriage.  Kinda creepy watching grandparents do the nasty by the fireplace.

4-   Brave

Just didn’t build the main character.  The bears were too scary for little kids that would be in theater.

5-   Contraband

I like Mark Wahlberg.  He just doesn’t pick his movies very well. He seems to always have atleast one movie on my worst ten list.   This movie should have gone straight to dvd.

Zero Dark Thirty

Zero Dark Thirty 

Rating 7.5 out of 10

This is a well made movie about one woman's mission to track down Osama bin Laden after 9/11.  Loosely based on the true story.  Maya (Jessica Chastain) was drafted right out of high school to work on this project and she takes to it well.  Soon taking over the whole project and making it her mission in life.

The movie goes in extreme detail from waterboarding low level terrorists all the way to the take down of bin Laden 8/10ths a mile from the Pakistan military training camp.  You might say they go into too much detail.  One terrorists name sounds the same as the other to this Georgia boy.  A run time of nearly 2 hrs 45 min in my opinion could be trimmed, but Hollywood seems to be all about trying to make three hour movies these days.  Not sure why.

The film is put together well.  Showed me how crazy things are over there and how glad I am to live here.  Acting was very good.  Some good character actors fill nicely.  Jason Clarke is one you probably won't recognize by name but might by face.  He is building a nice body of work and I like him alot.  Jessica Chastain makes this movie.  She is very good.  She will most definitely get an Oscar nod and maybe a win.

The movie builds to the climax in Pakistan and gives you a good feeling walking out.  I liked it alot.  Wife, not so much.  Not her type of movie at all.  If you get the feeling it's not your type of movie you should probably follow your instincts and rent it.  If you like military-type movies then sprint to the theater and see it.