Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows

Rating 3 out of 10

There was a tv show way back in the 1960s called Dark Shadows.  I barely remember it as a little kid.  I can only guess the tv show was far better than this movie or no one would have remembered it.  This movie is just a mess.

Again I don't know what the tv show was about.  In the movie we start off in the 1700's when the ultra rich Collins family come to Maine and start a fishing dynasty.  Young Barnabas watches the empire grow as he does.  In his early 20's he falls for a young local girl much to the dismay of one of the young maids at the Collins mansion.  The problem is this maid is a witch who casts evil spells on the whole family.  Killing his parents and somehow turning Barnabas into a vampire and then locking him into a lead coffin and planting him in the ground for nearly 200 years.

Now we flash forward to 1972 when a construction crew stumbles upon Barnabas coffin and makes the mistake to open it.  He finds the Collins empire on it's last leg and the evil witch in charge of the town that once belonged to his family.

The biggest problem here (besides the bad writing and wondering who ever thought this was a good idea to start with) is it's gross in parts but not scary and it's a farce that is not funny.  Attempts at humor go with blank stares and groans.  An hour into the film the wife was asking me if it were almost over.  Unfortunately we still had 53 more minutes to sit thru.

Can't really blame the acting.  I'm not a huge fan of Johnny Depp, but he gives it his all as Barnabas Collins.  Eva Green does what she can as the witch and looks quite fetching in the process.  Michelle Pfeiffer is okay as Elizabeth what is left of the Collins clan.

It's just poor writing and a bad idea.  Lots of cliche jokes about the early 70's (bell bottoms, hippies, VW Buses, ect) are stale and predictable.  This is just a bad movie.  Don't even bother to rent this one.