Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Rating 6 out of 10

Most of us remember that sweet childhood story of Hansel and Gretel where two lost children stumble upon a house made of candy that has an evil witch inside that captures them and begins to fatten them up with intentions of eating them.  Before the kids can be lunch they push the witch into the oven and burn her alive.  Aahh, what a sweet story to read to your kids before they go to bed.

This movie takes up where that story ends.  Hansel and Gretel as they grow up become famous across the land as witch killers.  You have shiny pieces of silver and they will kill your witches.  Hansel (Jeremy Renner) shoots some sort of witch killing shot gun and Gretel (the lovely Gemma Arterton) uses a rapid fire cross bow.  They come across their toughest witch Muriel (Famke Janssen) who of course intends on killing the siblings and also ruling the world.

This movie like the original story is not really for kids.  It's pretty gory and has a good bit of un-needed cussing for a movie like this.  People get squished and squashed.  I saw the 2D version. I can only imagine it in 3D.

The movie is mostly harmless and mildly entertaining (mostly due to the stars).  It's worth the price of an early show.  Not much more.

The Last Stand

The Last Stand

Rating 4 out of 10

Clearly no one watching the preview for The Last Stand thinks they are going to see the early contender for next years Oscars.  In fact January is usually the dumping grounds for the studios for movies they don't know what else to do with.  This movie definitely falls into that category.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is back after his stint in politics.  I'm not sure why he picked this movie for his comeback but to be honest most of his films were on the hokey side.  Arnie plays big tough small town Sheriff Ray Owens.  He quit his hectic police job in Los Angeles for a simpler life in a smaller border town.  As bad luck would have it the worst of the worst bad Mexican drug lord that is broken out of prison just days before being executed.  The bad news for the drug lord is his road to Mexico goes right through Sheriff Owens town.

Sheriff Owens doesn't roll over for anyone.  He isn't about to allow this bad guy to roll right through town and it appears the FBI only has a few agents and travel by camel taking forever to come and help.   Owens isn't going to roll over even if it virtually destroys the town doing million$ in damage and puts residents in harms way?  Oh well, it's Arnie.

It's hokey and has fun parts if you are in the mood for that.  Will make a decent rental in a couple months when it hits Redbox.  It opened 10th in the box office opening weekend.  That's not a good sign for the Terminator.  I'd still bet he'll be back.

Promised Land

Promised Land

Rating 4 out of 10

I didn't really expect much from this movie but sadly got what I was hoping it would not be.  A Hollywood liberal hack job against the natural gas drilling companies.  Matt Damon plays the smooth talking Steve Butler, a number one salesmen for a natural gas company sent into a declining rural community to secure drilling rights from the local citizens.  Family business's are going under right and left and the drilling rights could be a way of saving things.

Everything is going well until a well respected science teacher (Hal Holbrook) speaks up saying that there are many possible side effects to the drilling.  It gets worse for Butler when a environmentalist shows up (the witty and likable John Krasinski) set on killing the deal.

There is some witty dialog.  Mostly between Butler and the local school teacher.  The problem for me was the movie was too one sided.  When people voicing against the drilling Butler, who is supposed to be the best the billion dollar drilling company had to offer, had next to nothing to offer in reply.  Every house in the community was a lovely mansion that had been in the family for generations.  Made no difference they were mostly going under and stood to make million$.

Oh well, if you are the environmentalist type you will probably like this movie more than I did.

The Impossible

The Impossible 

Rating 6.5 out of 10

This is an interesting  based on a true story movie from the dreadful tsunami that hit Thailand the day after Christmas 2004.  There was a family of five enjoying the holidays when the horrible wave hit.  The mom (Naomi Watts) and the oldest son are separated from the dad (Ewan McGregor) and the two younger sons.

This isn't a low budget film, but it's not a big budget movie either.  It does a good job of conveying the desperation of the survivors trying to find their loved ones that could be anywhere on the island with virtually no communication and most of the locals speaking no English.  The movie gets very emotional often.

A problem for me was seeing interviews on the real family knowing who the survivors were. Naomi does a good job as the injured mom trying to take care of her young son when she is the one that needs the care.  McGregor is good enough in his part even though he gets surprisingly little screen time.

I liked it.  This will make a good rental.

Top 10 movies of 2012

Top Ten/ Worst Ten

2012

Top  Ten

1-   The Avengers

I would say head and shoulders the best super hero movie ever made.  Can’t wait for the next one!

2-   Argo

This movie is just so well made.  Not a boring political movie people envision.  The line for the Oscar starts behind Ben Affleck.

3-   Jack Reacher

I had reservations of puny Tom Cruise playing 6’5” tough guy Reacher but he pulled it off.  Good action movie that I’d pay to see again.

4-   Life of Pi

Visually the best movie of the year by far.  The movie takes it’s time and tells a story.  I liked it a lot.

5-   Rise of the Guardians

Best animated movie I have seen in a while.   The voices were nearly perfect. Storyline that can be enjoyed by adults or kids alike.

6-   The Hunger Games

I was hoping the movie would be as good as the book without watering it down to a kiddy version. They did.  Jennifer Lawrence was perfect as Katniss Verdeen.

7-   Expendables 2

A bunch of senior citizens shooting up bad guys in every way, shape or form?  Absolutely.  Nearly every of my 80’s action icons were there to make things go boom!  Loved it.

8-   Trouble with the Curve

I’ll admit this movie is on the predictable side.  I think the acting and cool Atlanta locations brought this to an above average movie.

9-   Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

So much better movie than the name would lead you to believe.  Well acted and well worth the price of the rental.

10-                 The Lorax

Second best animated movie of the year. Enjoyed this time spent with my granddaughter and cute movie. 

Honorable Mention

1-   The Bourne Legacy

I think I liked this version better than the Matt Damon versions

2-   Django: Unchained

Typical Tarentino.  Bloody and lots of cussin’.  I found it entertaining.

3-   This Means War

This movie got hammered in reviews but I liked it.

4-   Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn

The best of the Twilight movies.  A good way to wrap up the series.

5-   The Hobbit

Yes the movie it longer than it needs to be but in the end it kept me entertained. 

Worst 10 of 2012

Worst Ten

1-   Killer Joe

This was in theaters for about a day.  How it ever got made is a mystery to me.  Horrible does not describe it.  Many A-list actors. Sick movie.  Don’t even rent this one folks!

2-   Dark  Shadows

Johnny Depp gave his best. This movie just could not be saved.   

3-   The Words

A VERY slow movie that wastes a good cast and gives you one of those art house endings that make me want to throw popcorn at the screen.

4-   Looper

Some really liked this movie.  I’m not one.  Thought it was poorly made.  Looked low budget for the nice cast.  Just didn’t care for this one at all.

5-   The Grey

This may have been  the worst movie of 2012.  The guys really deserved to be eaten by wolves!

6-   Hotel Transylvania

An animated film that will bore kids and adults equally.

7-   Prometheus

The movie had lots of promise.  Sadly went with nonsense instead.

8-   Haywire

I think Gina Carano will be a big female action star some day.  Not from this movie.

9-   Silver Linings Playbook

You are bi-polar?  No need for meds.  All you have to do is exercise.  Your husband dies in car crash so of course you become a nympho.  The dance scene at end was painfully bad.  I am amazed this movie is winning awards.

10-End of  Watch

Police in big shoot outs making sure to hold their camcorders with other hand to film the whole thing?  I just didn’t care for this at all.

Should have been better

1-   Taken 2

Liam Neeson gets two movies on my worst list!

2-   Abe Lincoln: Vampire Killer

All you can say is expectations are set very low walking in to this one.

3-   Hope Springs

Sold as a comedy it’s not very funny.  A sad and broken marriage.  Kinda creepy watching grandparents do the nasty by the fireplace.

4-   Brave

Just didn’t build the main character.  The bears were too scary for little kids that would be in theater.

5-   Contraband

I like Mark Wahlberg.  He just doesn’t pick his movies very well. He seems to always have atleast one movie on my worst ten list.   This movie should have gone straight to dvd.

Zero Dark Thirty

Zero Dark Thirty 

Rating 7.5 out of 10

This is a well made movie about one woman's mission to track down Osama bin Laden after 9/11.  Loosely based on the true story.  Maya (Jessica Chastain) was drafted right out of high school to work on this project and she takes to it well.  Soon taking over the whole project and making it her mission in life.

The movie goes in extreme detail from waterboarding low level terrorists all the way to the take down of bin Laden 8/10ths a mile from the Pakistan military training camp.  You might say they go into too much detail.  One terrorists name sounds the same as the other to this Georgia boy.  A run time of nearly 2 hrs 45 min in my opinion could be trimmed, but Hollywood seems to be all about trying to make three hour movies these days.  Not sure why.

The film is put together well.  Showed me how crazy things are over there and how glad I am to live here.  Acting was very good.  Some good character actors fill nicely.  Jason Clarke is one you probably won't recognize by name but might by face.  He is building a nice body of work and I like him alot.  Jessica Chastain makes this movie.  She is very good.  She will most definitely get an Oscar nod and maybe a win.

The movie builds to the climax in Pakistan and gives you a good feeling walking out.  I liked it alot.  Wife, not so much.  Not her type of movie at all.  If you get the feeling it's not your type of movie you should probably follow your instincts and rent it.  If you like military-type movies then sprint to the theater and see it.

Gangster Squad

Rating 7 out of 10

The first big movie of 2013 is here.  While I'm not usually a big fan of that gangster genre of movies as those go Gangster Squad is pretty good.  It's the late 1940s Los Angeles.  The war is over and Hollywood is starting to boom.  Everyone smokes and gangsters from the East are moving in to get part of the gold. They are led by the evil Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn).  The bad guys run wild as they own most of the police and several of the judges.  Everyone is too scared to be a witness against them.

The Police Chief is one of the few honest cops.  He turns to ex-military hero and now police Sgt. John O'Mara (Josh Brolin) to put together a secret group of off the grid cops to take Cohen down.  We get thirty minutes of O'Mara selecting his crew.  Ryan Gosling is especially good as the officer that thinks too much with his private parts getting mixed up with Cohen's lady squeeze (Emma Stone).

Lots of action.  Some brutality.  Not for the squeamish.  It's not ground breaking for this type of movie, but it keeps you entertained.  Lots of good character actors.  If you watched the trailer and liked what you saw you will most likely leave the theater feeling you got your monies worth.

A Couple Good Rentals...

Working on my top ten list for 2012.  Have a couple movies I want to see before I finalize it.

In the meantime there are two movies I saw as rental that I liked alot.  I liked them enough I'd say rent them.  If you don't like them send me the bill and I'll reimburse you.  Well, as long as you use Redbox.  They only charge a DOLLAR a rental!!




Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

I'm guessing most reading this have not even heard of this movie.  The name pretty much killed it in the theaters and also in the rental market.  I saw the name and thought there was no way I was going to see it.  Then I saw Emily Blunt was in it and I like her.  Also has Ewan McGregor.  He can be hit and miss.  He is a hit here.  Blunt plays Harriet a consultant for a sheikh that clearly has more money than sense.  He wants to bring his passion of fly fishing to the desert of the middle East even though it's mostly desert.  With an unlimited budget Harriet calls upon fisheries expert Dr Jones (McGregor) who wants nothing to do with the plan.  Political pressure forces him to join in and he goes kicking and screaming.

At first Harriet and Dr Jones don't care for each other.  Jones is having marital problems and Harriet's fiancé goes off to war.  They become good friends and then a little more.  This isn't groundbreaking material but the writing is good and the acting is better.  I liked it.




The Odd Life of Timothy Green

This is another movie I had no plans of seeing.  I have always liked Jennifer Garner and Joel Edgerton was great in last years Warrior.  Yet seriously a movie about a couple that can't have a baby bury a box of notes of what their perfect child would be and in the middle of the night the small boy shows up??  That is exactly what happens here.  Living in a small town Jim and Cindy Green have tried every way they can to have a baby.  Giving up and after a bottle of wine they write down all the things they'd want their little boy to be.

This is a cute family movie that will make you feel good.  Lots of good character actors.  Fun watching this couple try way too hard to be the perfect parents while slowly realizing there is no such thing.  Especially when the little boy has leaves growing off his legs.

Yeah I know it sounds goofy.  But Winter is here.  Football will be over soon and no one watches the NBA anymore.  Give it a chance.  I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Four Books

The Last Man by Vince Flynn

There is a very good movie out now about character in a series of books by by Lee Child named Jack Reacher.  I have read many if not most of these books.  Reacher is a tough as nails ex-military police guy that travels the country solving problems that always seem to arise wherever he goes.  As tough as he is Mitch Rapp, the main character in Vince Flynn's series of books makes Reacher look like one of those choir boys on Glee.   If you don't know Flynn, at one point wrote for the tv show 24 and Jack Bauer years ago.  Mitch Rapp is the baddest of the bad and strikes fear in the hearts of the worst of the terrorists.  He doesn't go out there to take prisoners or read anyone their rights.  If that bothers you then this is not the book for you.

The Last Man is the latest in a series of the Rapp books.  I highly recommend it.  If you have not read any of his books and like this genre I'd recommend following the link and starting at the beginning.  You will want to read every one.




The Racketeer by John Grisham

There was a time John Grisham books were gold for me.  I would buy his next book without even having to know what it was about because I knew it was going to be good.  Sad to say for me those days are mostly gone.  Seems he has run out of things to write about and got a little far fetched.

I hoped the Racketeer would be better.  It starts off okay but gets bloated.  I probably should have gone with the abridged version.  With this book a honest black Virginia lawyer gets caught up in a racketeering investigation and railroaded by the FBI.  While serving a ten year term a Federal Judge is murdered and as luck would have it he knows who did it.  The lawyer plans to trade his knowledge for a get out of jail free card.  As I said it goes a little far fetched.  Not some of Grisham's best work.




Day by Day Armageddon by J.L. Bourne

If there are any Walking Dead fans out there this is the book for you.  I am not sure if this book came before the tv show or not, but there are many things that are similar.  This is the first in a trio of books on the zombie apocalypse extremely well written by J.L. Bourne who happens to be an officer in the US Armed Services.   As with the Walking Dead series this isn't really a book about zombies. It's just a well written book that happens to have zombies in it.

Kilroy is a officer in the Air Force outside San Antonio, Tx when he starts hearing rumblings of things happening in China.  Some of the military's best scientists are going over to help.  He stocks up on food and ammo not knowing what is coming but figuring it won't be good. As I said if you like this kind of thing this is at the top of the heap.



Not Taco Bell Material by Adam Carolla 

In the past couple years I have become a big Adam Carolla fan.  His first book In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks was very laugh out loud funny.  This book is just as funny.  Adam grew up in North Hollywood very poor with worthless parents that were nearly nonexistent.  When he was in high school he applied for a job at the local Taco Bell and as you might guess he was denied.

Carolla's humor is not for everyone.  He is a guys guy.  He has no filter between brain and mouth and what comes out is usually very entertaining.  If you want to get a sample of his work Adam Carolla from his website or get is top downloaded podcast on itunes.

I recommend this book as it is very funny.

Django Unchained

Django Unchained

Rating 7 out of 10

Director Quentin Tarantino's movie have been hit and miss with me.  Some I like alot (Kill Bill and Reservoir Dogs) while others I didn't care for at all (Grindhouse, Pulp Fiction).  With a Tarantino film though you can be guaranteed a few things.  It won't be boring. The language will be insanely bad and there will be blood by the bucket.  Django does not fail to deliver.

Django (Jango- the D is silent) is played by Jamie Foxx.  He is a slave who is separated from his beautiful wife (Kerry Washington) by his evil plantation slave owner (was there any other kind?) sold to different owners out of spite.  While being transported to his new plantation Django meets up with the German bounty hunter Dr. Schultz (played by the amazing Christoph Waltz).  Shultz busts him out in trade for helping identify three wanted men with a hefty bounty.   They then team up bounty hunting with the agreement Shultz will help Django get his wife back.

As luck would have it Djangos wife went to the worst slave owner of them all,  Calvin Candle.  Candle is played by Leonardo DiCaprio in one of his best performances ever.  Over the top enough to be evil but not hokey.

This movie like all of Tarantino's is not for everyone.  Violence is way off the scale.  Blood everywhere.  Although not as bad as some of his other films. He likes his LONG movies too.  While the movie did not seem overly long it could have easily been cut by 30-40 minutes without losing a beat.  Normally the F-word is his curse of choice.  Here it's the N-word.  If you are offended by that skip this movie.

What makes the movie work besides all the big name actors that drop in for a small part is the work of Waltz.  He delivers a line better than anyone.  I find my ears perking up every time he talks.

Not for everyone.  If you watch this preview and like what you see chances are good you will enjoy the movie.