The Wolf of Wall Street

The Wolf of Wall Street

Rating 1.5 out of 10

You will tell very quickly I did not care for this movie at all.  The only good thing I can say about it is in a couple weeks when I sit down to write my top ten/worst ten movies of 2013 I won't have to look farther for my worst movie.

Jordan Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio) we find out when the movie opens is an ultra-rich stock broker living life to the excess in every way as he drives is beyond expensive white sports car down the freeway snorting cocaine as a leggy blonde supermodel gives him butterscotch jellybeans (if you saw Grudge Match).  We then flash back to a young Belfort trying to make his mark on Wall Street with a firm when his boss (Matthew McConaughey in a small cameo role) tells him the key to his success is masterbating atleast twice a day and do all the cocaine you can get your hands on.  That's about where this film goes the next THREE HOURS!

Belfort loses his job in the big Black Monday stock market crash of 1987.  His answer is to open his own brokerage firm in a rented garage with a goofball he met in a diner (goofball Johah Hill with big fake teeth and chain smoking) who shows him behind the diner how cool smoking crack is.  They proceed to grow in leaps in bounds by selling junk stocks and then targeting rich people while doing lots of drugs.  The work place is one big party as they pass around drugs (who hasn't snorted coke off a hookers backside?) while somehow making money hand over foot.

They of course begin to cross the lines and break laws to make even more money.  The FBI comes a calling.  Your typical rags to riches to rags story.

If you think seeing Leo fall on the ground and twitch from an overdose of quaaludes in what he calls a cerebral palsy fit and crawl flopping around like a fish down a flight of stairs trying to get to his car to get home and stop goofball from saying bad things on a tapped phone is funny, this movie is for you.  If you like a movie where no character can complete a sentence without an F-bomb, this movie is for you.

For me it was like scratching on a chalkboard and I wanted to leave badly.  Two hours in I felt surely they were about to wrap it up only to have another hour to endure.

In case you can't tell I did NOT like this movie one bit.

The SecretLife of Walter Mitty

The SecretLife of Walter Mitty

Rating 7 out of  10

I feel like I should know who this Walter Mitty guy is.  Either by the book or earlier movie.  Yet I have no idea.  Shoot me.  Never been a Ben Stiller fan.  He is just not funny to me.  I liked him here.

Walter Mitty works for Life magazine.  He is in charge of incoming negatives for potential pictures. He has work there a long time.  Since he was a child he has had a crazy imagination and goes off on crazy day dreams.  He is a boring guy who dreams of doing fabulous things.

As Life magazine is winding down Mitty (Ben Stiller) falls for a new girl Cheryl (Kristen Wiig).  He dreams of being her knight in shining armor. When the world famous photographer, Sean O'Connell  (Sean Penn)  has a negative missing that he says is perfect for the cover of the last issue of Life, Walter goes on a worldly mission of tracking him down.

Here we see some incredible scenery  I saw this on an IMAX theater which was perfect for eating up the wonderful scenery.  Mitty travels to Greenland, Iceland, and all over the world.  He sees a volcano erupt from close up.  He rides a sea going vessel and skate boards down the side of the mountain.  All in search of Sean O'Connell.

The visuals of this movie are first rate.  My biggest problem is there was no real chemistry between Mitty and Cheryl.  Hard to believe they are a couple.  The story line is fairly thin too.  For me the good photography, nice scenery and great music made up for it.

I was entertained by the visuals if not so much for the plot.  I enjoyed it.  Your milage may vary.

Grudge Match

Grudge Match

Rating 6.5 out of 10

Lots of movies being released this Christmas day.  The only one that could be considered "family friendly" and take the wife to is Grudge Match. Anyone that has watched tv in the past month or so has seen the many commercials running showing the aging Sylvester Stallone and Robert De Niro in a boxing rematch from a fight years ago.

Thirty years ago Henry "Razor" Sharp (Stallone) and Billy "The Kid" McDonald (De Niro) are the elite of the light heavyweight boxing world.  In their first fight The Kid wins a close one.  In the second fight Razor knocks him out in the forth round in a blowout.   Before a third and deciding bout can be fought Razor up and retires.  This drives McDonald crazy as he has no chance to defend his honor.

As the years go by Razor works in a low paying job at the Pittsburg steel mill as McDonald goes on to riches and is doing well.  When a 30 year anniversary of their last fight spikes interest they are offered $100,000 for a last rematch.  Razor begrudgingly agrees as he needs the money.  McDonald sees it as a way to finally regain his honor.

While the movie is most definitely a paint by the numbers simplistic movie it has a fair amount of laughs and entertainment.  The co-stars Alan Arkin and Kevin Hart steal the show. Both are very funny.  We get plenty of AARP jokes and Stallone pokes fun at his Rocky alias.  When it gets to the final showdown the fight for me was a little creepy with really old guys punching the crap out of each other.  Ultimately the movie wraps up quite nicely.

Over all the movie is harmless and I was entertained.  The wife liked it much more than I did. I think I would have liked it more had I not seen most of the funny parts a hundred times in the commercials before viewing.  Make sure to stay for the parts after the closing credits.  Some of the funniest parts are there.

Saving Mr. Banks

Saving Mr. Banks

Rating 6 out of 10

Disclaimer: I have not seen the movie Mary Poppins nor have I read any of P.L. Travers books.

This is mostly a movie about the life of author P.L. Travers (Emma Thompson).  She is the lady that wrote the series of books Mary Poppins.  Turns out Mary Poppins was an aunt that came to help her family when she was young and her father (Mr. Banks) was gravely sick.  When Travers wrote the books she was very attached to the characters and their memories.

Walt Disney (Tom Hanks)  read the books to his daughters when they were young and made them a promise that one day he would make a movie of the beloved character.   The problem was Travers wanted no part of turning Mary Poppins into a movie.  Especially one made by Disney, who at that time had only animated movies that she detested.  She didn't care for America or Americans for that matter.  Walt Disney was very persistent and contacted Travers many times over twenty plus years.  She finally caved in due to lack of funds.  She wasn't sure which would be worse selling her story to a movie or starving to death.

The movie is based on a true story and details how difficult it was for them to come to an agreement. The movie also details in flashbacks her childhood and relationship with her alcoholic father whom she loved dearly despite all his flaws.

The movie is very well acted.  Hanks reminded me greatly of watching The Wonderful World of Disney every Sunday night with my family.  Emma Thompson is good as the stogy author.  My problem is I found the movie mostly depressing.  Travers was a very unhappy, rude and unlikable woman that treated everyone like dirt.  The movie leaves it open as to if she liked the finished product of Mary Poppins.  Reading up on IMDB I found she was very unhappy with the movie and refused to let Disney make any follow up movies.

The movie is entertaining.  Just not the uplifting heartwarming story I was hoping for.

The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug

The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug

Rating 6 out of 10

As you probably know this is the second movie in a Hobbit trilogy following last years The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and the prequel to the wildly successful and more entertaining Lord of the Rings trilogy.   The first Hobbit movie kinda rambled on.  While being very good visually to look at but a story that was hard to follow and unlike the LOR movies had characters that were too much alike to really form a bond to.

I will say that Hobbit II is much better than Hobbit I.  It still suffers from too many characters and a story that while if you read the books might be easy to follow but if you have not you don't really understand what is going on.  I don't really play video games anymore.  After a while they seemed to be where you would drive to this area and shoot a bunch of bad guys, then drive to that area and shoot a bunch of bad guys... over and over without really knowing what the end game is.  This movie is kinda like that.  The main goal is to get the dwarves their riches back by killing the huge sleeping dragon.  Somehow the Orgs want to kill the dwarves and demolish the wold.

What makes this movie better than the first is the arrow shooting elves are back.  Orlando Bloom is back playing Legolas from the LOR series.  Evangeline Lilly is great as the female elf that can out fight the boys and feels she needs to defend the elves because it's the right thing to do.

Visually while being atleast 30-40 minutes longer than it needs to be is incredible to watch.  I didn't see anything where 3D would help.  We saw it on the big IMAX screen and were glad we did.

If you liked the first one you will like this one more.  I was mostly entertained.  Not sorry I saw it but wouldn't pay to see it again.  Will I see the Hobbit III?  Sure.

Tyler Perry's A Madea Christmas

Tyler Perry's A Madea Christmas

Rating 4 out of 10

I will start this review by admitting that I don't think women dressing up like women are funny.  Not that it offends me or anything.  Just not funny.  I thought Flip Wilson was funny (showing my age) and Dustin Hoffman was funny in Tootsie (again showing my age).  I have never seen a Madea movie and after sitting through this one I know why.  It's just not for me.

Madea can be funny.  I agree to that.  The problem is it's just a nonsense.  No need for any type of sensical plot when you can just cut Madea loose and let her make fun of everyone.  Doesn't work for me.

Madea has a cranky racist friend in Atlanta that is set on visiting her twenty something daughter that has moved off to rural Alabama whether the daughter want's her or not.  Madea decides to tag along.  When they get to Alabama we find that the friends lovely daughter has (gasp) married a white guy.  Most of the movie is keeping that fact a secret from mom even when the white guys parents (Larry the Cable Guy) show up.  All the Alabama people are hicks with southern accents and dumb enough to sign contracts they don't bother to read.  All the hateful people in the beginning of the movie become wonderful for no real reason.

If you can overlook the lack of plot and lack of any name actors (wonder what Blair on Facts of Life is up to?) to get a few Madea laughs it may be worth it to you.  Me?  I've had my fill of Madea movies.

Out of the Furnace

Out of the Furnace

Rating 5 out of 10

Before I start my review I have to tell about the movie theater I saw this movie in.  Working on a job just south of Washington DC the nearby theater had seats that were like my recliner at home!  These even had the electric buttons on the arm rest that recline the chair and extend the foot rest.  I didn't have to find a place with no one in front of me so I could extend my long legs and mostly clean shoes into that seat. Pure heaven for myself with my diet coke and bag of black twirlers!

On to the review...

The good.   This may be the most well acted movie of 2013.  Christian Bale is great as the brooding good brother that works at a steel mill, pays his bills and loves his girlfriend.  Casey Affleck is good as the crazy brother who comes home from time to time between his military tours.  Sam Shepard is always great.  When I see him on screen I just wish he were my uncle and I could sit on the porch and have him dispense wisdom to me.  The person that steals the show is Woody Harrelson.  In real life he is clearly a nut job and is determined not to be locked into any particular tip of role.  Here he is the very bad man leading a bunch of hillbilly drug dealers. You really feel the fear when he gets upset with someone.

The not so good.  The problem is the slow moving script.  I would call this the feel bad movie of the year.  The good brother goes to jail on a drunk driving accident and loses everything (not a spoiler), the crazy brother is having some sort of post traumatic stress breakdown from all the bad things he has seen.  He can't find work after the military and resorts to some sort of Fight Club for money as he seems to enjoy the beatings.  Heck, even the dad is dying from cancer in their dirty town where the mill is closing.  You feel like you need a shower when you leave the theater.

When the crazy brother crosses the bad drug dealer (Harrelson) the good brother comes looking for payback.  It's just when director Scott Cooper goes from A to Z you get every letter in the alphabet.  I wouldn't say I disliked the movie.  Disappointed may be a better word.  The very ending left me scratching my head wondering what I had seen.

I would say rent this one for the good acting.